


Abandon me

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit Sanders Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sad Ending, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24228508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Virgil just left.Left the Dark Sides.Here's how Janus dealt with it.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83





	Abandon me

**Author's Note:**

> Yes this is a vent I feel like I'm in so much pain lol laugh through the pain amiright

Virgil just left. 

Left the Dark Sides, as Roman calls them. 

Janus had woken up one day - night? - by a loud bang. It sounded like it came from Virgil's room, so he quickly made his way over to check on his friend. His crush; but that wasn't exactly relevant. Virgil usually tried his best to keep quiet at night -- on the exception that he was mad at them. Which hardly happened. 

He'd made it to the room, finding out the door was locked. And it was quite. Suspiciously quite. He held his breath and knocked. 

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

No answer. That's really, really fucking bad.

"Virge?" His voice barely above a whisper. _Oh god what if he fell and is bleeding out? What if he started to cut again?! Oh no oh no what if he overdosed!? Did I not try hard enough? I really need him to understand how much I care!_

"Virgil?" He tried again, the worry obvious. Okay, he was going to try once more, then he'd force the door open. 

Janus repeated it. Still no answer, no sound whatsoever. To say it was unnerving would be an understatement. Opening the black and grey door, he momentarily froze at what he saw. No Virgil. Swinging his head around, desperately trying to find him, but he found nothing. Nothing that would even show that Virgil was there in the first place. Blank, empty, barren, plain, devoid of anything. 

It dawned on him almost immediately, he wasn't stupid, nor was he clouded by the shock and hurt of it all. Or maybe he was. 

Virgil left. Left him, left the Dark Sides. 

Worst part was; Janus didn't have a clue why. Was it his attitude? Maybe because he didn't show affection like the Light Sides did? Maybe it was his scales? Maybe he just liked it over there, so much so that he decided to leave? But why would he do so without so much as an explanation? 

He didn't know, what he did know, however, was it hurt. Almost an unimaginable amount. It hurt more than getting stabbed or being hit by Remus' Morningstar. Fuck, why did it hurt so much? Janus felt as though he didn't have anything - and from that point on, he really didnt. 

Just pain. 

Immense pain.

Or maybe it was from all the cutting he'd been doing, and not from Virgil leaving? It was both, in a way. He only cut more frequently because of Virgil leaving. 

It's his fault for being so sensitive. So fucking overly sensitive. 

Selfish.

He was selfish. He wanted Virgil to come back, even though he knew he wouldn't be happy here. He knew for a fact that Virgil wouldn't be happy here. He's so, incredibly, selfish.

Lonely.

He was lonely. Janus was lonely, he was alone. He was alone, lonely and sad.

Pathetic.

Oh, he was so pathetic. The nights he'd spent crying or having a panic attack or when he'd remember something he and Virge used to do, he was pathetic.

Pain.

He was surrounded by constant pain. Mental, physical, all types of pain. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt. He was in pain. Pain, pain, pain.

Blood.

He was covered in blood most nights. He'd clean it up before morning, because on the rare chance someone would stop by, he didn't want to risk getting caught. Not that they'd care - he just wasn't up for it. For anything, really. That's how his life is now.

Wasting.

He was wasting his life away. He was wasting time he could've used to do something productive. Or at least try to, then get yelled at for being bad and that he should back off and that they won't be fooled by his tricks. That was okay though.

Okay.

He was okay. He'd tell himself he was okay, because if he said it enough it'd be true. But he was okay. He was.

Avoiding.

He was avoiding everything. All his responsibility's. All his problems. That's because he doesn't have problems, because he was fine and plus, even if he did other people have it way worse.

'A sadness runs through him.' 

It does. He was so, so very sad. That's one of the only songs he listens to nowadays. It was one of Virgil's favorite, once. Not anymore. 

Break.

He felt like he couldn't catch a break. It was one thing after the other, dealing with Thomas or the Light Sides and dealing with his own emotions. It was a cycle. 

All Janus wanted to do was cry, kick, yell, punch, run away. Or something of the sort. But he was exhausted, all he could do was cry, stare at walls, lay down, sit up, cut, eat. He was so sad. It was more than sad. But as if he would willingly admit that out loud, he was Deceit.

Lying was his thing. 

His heart pounded in his ears. As it often did now. He felt dizzy. _When was the last time he ate?_ Eh, it didn't particularly matter to him. Sides couldn't die. Some part of him wishes they could, no doubt the same part that told him to cut himself in the first place. To do all of this, really.

Suddenly he felt tired. That's good, he hadn't slept in a good while. 

_Looking around, he saw Virgil laughing along with the other sides. Remus was there too. Janus wasn't, he didn't fit. He didn't deserve it. He wasn't good. He was evil and he planned to stay that way. Roman noticed him, automatically pulling his sword out and jumping in front of his famILY, an act of protection. That's fine. Janus was the bad guy anyways._

_Sending a cold glare at Janus, he asked "What are you doing here, Dr. Fibber?" It wasn't much of a question, more of a threat. "Doing my evil villianous planning, of course. Now if you'd be so kind - you're in my way." The lie slipped out, it's second nature for him_. 

He woke up. Weird, he hadn't remembered a dream in who-knows-how-long. Well dream Janus was telling the truth. 

Evil.

Villian.

Bad guy.

That's what he was. 

And he'd be fine with it.

And he was fine with it.

And he is fine with it.

He's fine.

~~_He's abandoned._ ~~


End file.
